I Hold Back, Because Others Think This is Wrong
by Beach Blond Bimbo
Summary: Written for the Fanfiction Quidditch Competition round 2 as reserve Beater 2. My first story actually. Draco takes a chance before he is initiated into the Death Eaters, deciding to take a chance to take what he wants, before he hides his feelings forever. Not a fluffy story


**A/n:** I've never written a story before, but I did this to help a friend for a competition by filling in for a team member. The challenge is to interpret lyrics into your song, expressing what you think they mean. So here's mine. I filled in as **Beater 2** for the Montrose Magpies. My first story, and it's a risk with slash!

Enjoy if you can. Review if you see fit.

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It was so very wrong, the desire building within him. That carnal desire that couldn't be fulfilled by any woman he touched, used, kissed. His craving went beyond the soft curves of a female figure, yearning for the tough feel of the male body stretched before him. Women were all about curves and being skinny, but men could build up a strong physique that often attracted more than just the people that they were aiming for. Men were hard lines and angles, created to cradle the softness of a woman. But Draco didn't see it that way.

He had his sights set on someone off limits; someone he knew wasn't going to go for him. And he was super unhappy about that. Especially when the idiot had to keep throwing words his way and starting arguments! Didn't he ever notice that the dark look in Draco's eyes was more than that of anger?

Potter never noticed that Malfoy's insults had changed over the years. He didn't even know that the blonde had changed so much either. And as far as Draco was concerned, it was better if he didn't find out. They were only in fifth year after all, and knowing that he was going to be recruited to be a Death Eater sometime soon. He couldn't do anything as far as his feelings towards Potter went, not with his position changing in the near future. They were destined to be enemies.

Draco couldn't really tell you where it started. Maybe it was because they played Quidditch together, opposing teams or not, and on hot days during long matches the men on the teams sometimes opted to take their shirts off. Draco noticed too many times how Potter's muscles rippled, how well-defined they were around his torso, and how if one dared to glance so low that they could easily see the well-defined 'v' there, disappearing beneath the boy's trousers. Maybe that was why Draco found himself so drawn to his supposed enemy; his body.

But it was so wrong, and so many would not approve. His parents would rather he date the she-weasel or even Granger before they dared to think he would touch another man! But Draco couldn't quit help his desires, and he couldn't quite explain them either. He just couldn't worry himself with things like that.

His parents would never accept his relationship status, and there was no way he could even attempt to get with Potter as a war arose. Any and all fantasies of getting with him seemed to disappear as quickly as they appeared, real life diminishing any hope of them becoming actuality. The she-weasel was currently Potter's main relationship focus, and he doubted he could get Potter to look at him the way he looked at that girl in such a short timeframe. This called for extreme measures.

He couldn't be with Potter, end of story. His parents would disown him and the Dark Lord would probably kill him. He doubted his friends would be very forthcoming of the idea either. So he had no choice; he had to at least get a bittersweet taste of the man that haunted his dreams before the idea of their relationship together was torn from his reality forever. And he had very little time to accomplish his goal.

They were not the same; who they once were had faded away, the forthcoming war reshaping their existences and lives to ready them for a gruesome battle ahead. And it scared Draco to think that war was so very close. He needed some sort of motivator to get him through the next set of difficult years that he saw before him, and he needed to take that motivator soon.

Potter had been doing some strange things off in one of the halls; Draco witnessed the boy and others disappearing down the same hall several days in a row, a collective group of students disappearing off in the distance for some reason, doing something. He knew that the man would pass this way again; Potter always seemed to be the first on scene, even before Granger and the Weasel.

So he sat close to the wall in one of the hallways that jutted off from this particular one, cloaked by the shadows, waiting for the man's arrival. His hear beat fast in his chest, racing with what he was about to do. He had once chance to do this, one moment of pure bliss that he could receive from taking such a chance, and then this would be over. He would mask his relationship views, be the perfect image in his father and Voldemort's eyes, just after he got this out of his system. Potter was unlikely to return the same affections, but this was all he could do, and he wouldn't let this single opportunity pass him up.

He heard footsteps coming down the hall and took a deep breath, shoving fear into the back of his mind. Fear is only a verb if one lets it be, and just then Draco couldn't let fear into his mind whatsoever, because if he did, he would never give into the desire and lose this single opportunity entirely. It was now or never.

A flash of black hair caught his attention as the boy passed, and without thinking about it jumped from his hiding spot in the shadows and grabbed Potter, swinging him into the shadows of the hall as well and out of the main corridor. Once released, the man wasted no time jumping around to face his attacker, wand out and at the ready.

"What exactly do you think you're doing Malfoy?" he spat, sounding none too pleased to see the man. Draco couldn't exactly blame him, considering their past, but he tried not to let those thoughts cloud his mind as he cleared his throat.

"I'm not here to fight you, Potter," he said simply, raising his hands up high. Perplexed by the strange move, the man raised an eyebrow but kept his wand aimed firmly at the blonde's chest, never breaking eye-contact. "I just wanted to talk."

His eyes narrowed. "This corridor doesn't lead to any of the classrooms or the dorms. Why are you up here, Malfoy?" His tone was bitter.

"I could ask you the same question actually, but I'm choosing not to." He took a step forward, and Potter tensed. "I didn't come up here to hassle you about where you were going." _Not today anyway._

"Then why bother me?" he asked. "I'm not in the mood to pick a fight Malfoy!"

"No, no fighting," he agreed, keeping his hands up. ""Fighting is the last thing I wanted to do."

His eyes narrowed again. "What are you playing at?"

A sneer twisted across his features, and the man took a step towards Potter, who in return took a step back, growing weary of his intentions. He drew his wand, ready to attack if needed.

"Put that away," he said easily, eyeing the boy. "You won't need it."

"I always need a weapon if I'm around you," he retorted, growing uncomfortable under the boy's penetrating gaze. "I'll repeat myself, what do you want Malfoy?"

He pursed his lips, eyeing the boy briefly before he looked away from his longtime enemy. Maybe he should just turn and run now like a coward before things went too far and he crossed the line. Would he speak of his misdeed after Draco left, or would he keep his mouth shut from embarrassment? It would be terrible if someone from Voldemort's side found out what he had done; he would die on the spot.

But this was his only chance. If he backed away now he would never get another. And he desperately needed to feed the need within, hopefully consuming his fill of Potter before it became too late. After this he could shut his feelings away, shut down fear, and once again return to being the idol his parents desired.

He could conquer his fear, if only for the briefest of moments.

Draco softened his expression, watching as Potter's face mixed with confusion. He couldn't even think of him as Harry, because that was like getting too personal, too close to someone he could only fantasize about for brief moments.

"Malfoy, I swear, if you get any closer-"

He cut the boy off as he lunched forward, going for the back of his neck instead of his wand. Potter became rigid as the man grabbed his lower back, dragging him forward into a searing kiss, one with which he did not return the same passion.

For many moments they stood together, Draco feverishly kissing Harry, with Potter refusing to respond. Then they pulled apart, the blonde shoving him away as he panted, eyeing his longtime enemy. The boy had an expression of horror on his face, and dimly he realized that his wand had fallen, cast a few feet away.

They stood numbly, watching each other with large eyes. Draco could see the disgust forming in his eyes, as well as the confusion and uncertainty. Deciding to bail before he had to explain himself, the man turned and bolted down the hall, his heart hammering.

He'd crossed the line, done the one thing that could get him killed if Voldemort read his mind without question. His actions could never be accepted. He couldn't go back now though, not after that. He hoped his parents never found out, lest Lucius snitch to the Dark Lord. Draco didn't doubt that he would do that at this point, not if it meant that he could be on better terms with the man.

He could never take it back though, and surprisingly he didn't want to. The kiss heated his lips, lingering there and in his mind, the sparse seconds replaying over and over as he rushed off to the Astronomy tower, needing to be alone, his heart beating wildly.

There was no doubt in his mind now; they could never go back to being who they were. Potter would remember that kiss forever, as would Draco. His only regret was that it could never happen again.

If only, if only his family wasn't so uptight. If only he wasn't on the dark side of this war. Then maybe, just maybe, things could be different.

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**A/n:** So there's my story, and I hope you like it. I wanted to take a stab at something I don't usually read for this competition, and here you go, but it's my first story ever! Enjoy anyways? If you shoot me a review its super appreciated :)

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I used Chaser 3's #3 prompt (who we were) and their #5 prompt (fear is only a verb if you let it be). Here were my lyrics, so you can see where the inspiration is from.

Now I see/ That if I were truly to be myself/ I would break my family's heart

-Mulan

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If ANYONE wants to join the Montrose Magpies in this competition, please do! You can PM me about how to if you would like to be a part, because I am a team member that's filling in and I really don't want to be permanent because I don't have the time. Please oh please PM if interested!


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